IF HANDBAGS COULD TALK!

I don’t know about you ladies but if my handbag could talk it would likely have a thing or two to say about its owner!

I have a multitude of handbags in a multitude of colours, in an array of shapes and sizes! Is it at all possible, that I do not have a handbag to compliment every single outfit in my wardrobe? Umm… I very much doubt it!

You see, bags and shoes are a love of mine, there my downfall when it comes to spending money, I just cannot resist! My motto of late seems to be, “The bigger the bag the better” though if I’m completely honest, thinking about it, I have to ask myself, “Is my love for the oversized bag, causing me to become more than a little disorganised?”

I swear… Merry Poppins has nothing on me! When I pop my hand in one of my handbags, I tend to lose a whole arm! The depth of the bag becomes endless, which makes routing around at speed, a little difficult.

Now, when purchasing my chosen bag, I want it to have that, “New Leather” smell, the one that screams out… “I’m new!” The right design and colour are of the up-most importance, yet, so is the interior! I like compartments, lots of them, a bag that boast efficient storage space. Though, why this is, I’m not sure, I simply don’t understand!

Why? Well, I may use the main inside zip pocket to store my iPhone, money or anything else of importance, but even this doesn’t happen all of the time! I’ve acquired the most annoying and horrid habit of quite literally lobbing ones belongings into what will undoubtedly become, the inner depths of the Bermuda Triangle!

As I’m stood with hand (oops, I mean arm) wedged into my bag, panic fills me as I say out loud but still to oneself, “Shit, I’ve lost my phone” Only I haven’t (well not really) it’s just buried somewhere between the lip gloss and address book in that oversized bag that seemed the perfect buy at one time, after all it was to be the perfect accessory to them beautiful Karen Millen shoes.

I envision the heads of women everywhere nodding rhythmically as they feel my pain, or maybe not, maybe it’s just me (gosh… I hang head in shame)!

Now although the phone scenario, is one moment that gets the heart racing almost to the point of a heart attack, I ask myself, “Can it possibly be any worse than the Oyster card hunt?”

Handbags on Southbank

Handbags on Southbank (Photo credit: The Style PA)

In my head I hear this voice, it tells me “Now place the Oyster card in the inner zip pocket of your bag… place the Oyster card in the inner zip pocket of your bag…” over and over again! So, how comes somehow, having been stood calmly at a freezing cold London bus stop for the past 40 minutes, when that bus does finally arrive, having slipped a hand in that inner zip pocket, I make the horrid discovery that I have once again ignored the inner voice and the Oyster card is anywhere but that inner zip pocket. I deluge in, gearing up for what now seems like a man hunt, I hear the tutting and sneers coming from those stood behind me, the tired peed of shoppers and worse, on a really unlucky day, I may even find that the backs of my legs are being rudely crippled by that inpatient mother stood behind, the one who’s just used her toddler and his oversized 3 wheeled pushchair as a weapon of mass distraction (No offence to mothers who use public transport as I’m proudly one myself).

So… ladies, my question to myself and you too, “Is the oversized bag designed to make one’s life easier doing the job it claims to do, or is it time to downsize that bag? After all, I’m pretty sure the bigger bag just results in me overloading it with my own or even the families crap. They see a big bag you end up carrying everything and anything. Though yes this is all simply unacceptable, the prospect of my oversized beauties transforming into tiny smart clutches’, is quite honestly very unlikely at all!